You know why I love Alice?

Despite the fact that she is totally out of her mind, and the book doesn't necessarily made any sense to me, I just love the fact that she is crazy. It's kinda creepy, I have to admit, but I don't seem to bother that. In fact, I like how Alice is not giving a fuck to anything. She's like, "Fck you people. I have a fabulous imagination and you don't."

...or at least that's what I thought Alice would say in this modern world.

Truth is I'm tired living in people's expectation. Tired of being someone that people want me to be. (I know, deep right?) Guess I finally realize that it didn't do me any good. Sure, it has a positive side, but right now, I just don't care. It's dangerous, but who cares, right??

I wanna live my life, just as I want it to be. Do some stupid stuff, study, travel, and probably do some other stupid stuffs, but I just want to live.

and here comes the irony.

As much as I want to be free (or to an extreme end: wild), I also want to be neat and proper. Well, not that I care, but I have to. I'm going to take International Relationship, for goodness' sake. I will be representing some important people and stuff like that. Doing business all over the world and doing some good in this world. But I can't do that being ....messy. I have to at least have the proper presentation, proper image. I'm not saying that I will be all neat and stuff, which I am pretty sure would not even last for a long time, even if it happened. I'm just simply saying that I need to get my act right. It's time to pick up all the pieces of me that has been shattered for the last few years and fix them. Starting new again if I have to. If I want to make this right, I have to fix me first.

So here's to change,

cheers,
-A

A Short Entry

This time, it won't be long I promise you. Why because there's only one point I want to stress right here.
Here goes:

Dear boys and girls, if you don't have anything nice to say, then it's way better for you to shut the hell up. Chances are you might hurt other people with those stupid words of yours that you do not clearly process with your supposedly functioned brain. So do the world a little favor and help yourself from being a public enemy. Just be quiet, okay? or else you might be faced with one of my best friend. Her name's Karma. And frankly, she's a bitch. She looks forward in dealing with people who do not use their brain and act like idiots.

I'm writing this to represent people in the world, who might have been cursing about this their whole life about that special someone who just won't shut the fuck up but has never got the courage to say it out loud. Let's do a little compromise, shall we?

You shut up.
and we will not have a trouble.

xoxo
-A

Defessus In Excelcis

Defessus In Excelsis:
-Definition: tired to the highest
-Fucntion: expressing one's weariness in a Latin form
-Why: Cause I'm so damn tired

Another week has pass and gone, now it's time to catch up with all the time that is lost. In that sense, I mean sleep. As always, my school and insomnia have drag me away from my ritual of sleeping. I still remembered the times when I can sleep quickly and peacefully when the world was all and well. But thanks to school and it's craziness, I am now officially sleep deprived.

What happened last few weeks?

Just a bunch of inhumane torture the school claimed as "homework", "projects", and my favorite on "tests". These stuff, I don't even now what to do about them. That's the worst part. Too much for me to handle. To top it off, the week long suffering are not even done. It never will be. Until the school is finally over.

UPCOMING EVENTS:
1. TERRARIUM
2. MOOT COURT
3. PRESENTATIONS
4. CHEM EXAM
5. INSOMNIA
6. DEATH

Okay, the last point might be a little too dramatic but these school stuff are nearly killing me. Not to mention my family who (thanks for not being so helpful) keeps on pushing me to make decision I'm not ready to make.

Here's an interesting fact: I'M SO DAMN TIRED.

TIRED TO THE HIGHEST.
TIRED TO A POINT THAT I WOULD ACTUALLY PREFER TO DIE.




YES, I AM THAT TIRED.

I might or might not mentioned it in my last post, but my grades are falling off the cliff. Worst part, I don't even know how this happens. Well, I actually do, but it still does not make any sense to me. Things are moving so fast right now, and I'm afraid, I just can't catch up with the dance.

The tables are turning,
I'm confused like hell.
My family won't stop bugging me.
So yeah, I'm completely fine.


Ready to faint,
-A

Happy....Right?

Good news, I got the scholarship!
It's a 50% off somestuff but I still need to pay a lot.
I'm happy.
I should be, right?

Many people will be happy to be in my position; to be admitted to one of the most prestigious university with a good community PLUS a scholarship. I should be happy.


But I'm not.
Heck, I just told my mom about this, I sounded like hell, she doesn't give much response.
What should I do?

I'm glad, but I'm sad too. Paying those fees means that I'm giving myself to be arrested. I've bind myself. Somehow, it feels like I'm signing a death sentence. The worst thing, I don't think I'm ready.

I'm not sure I'm ready to give up those fantasies of going away. I'm not ready to give up.
So should I?

Sincerely confused,
-A

Loading...wait, this is definitely error

There are symptoms to be considered before declaring something as ERROR.
Error, according to Dictionary.com, is...wait it's too long to type. but anyway, MY LIFE IS CURRENTLY OUT OF SERVICE.

Not being sarcastic or whatever, but nothing is working well in my life at the moment. Where should I start? hmmm may be the fact that my BB, the closest technology in my hand to connect and socialize with the world, is broken. Wait, let me rephrase that, IT'S FREAKIN' DEAD. Which mean that I am stuck with my old Nokia phone (which I am still thankful that it is still working) but dead BORED. I've got nothing to do. I can't open twitter, chat with my friends, or even simple stuff like checking recent updates! 

Second, my grade is free falling. I guess I love John Mayer so much that follows what he suggest in his song; free fall. Although I really like the term of free falling, but I would not appreciate it happens with my grade. Simply because I do care about my grade. It's just that my brain and body (and soul to add to that list) are having a pretty hard time connecting with the desire of my heart to get good grades. It's like my brain on vacation for a long. long. long. time. thanks brain, I would totally blame you for the degradation of my scores. thank you.

Last, have I not mentioned?
 I AM DEAD BORED
I HATE BEING BORED. 
ME + BOREDOM = STUPID AND RANDOM STUFF THAT I WILL (PARTLY) REGRET LATER ON.

They say curiosity kills the cat. This time, it's boredom. 

To end this post of my long list of misery, I should add the fact that my typo has increase as days goes by and that there could be virus in my laptop. God bless me. 

declared error,
A

Beautiful Saturday

Sebelum hari ini I was planning to post a blog with the caption:"PEOPLE SHOULD STOP PISSING ME OFF!" Why? Well to be honest, cause I'm angry, pissed to be exact. Bete aja rasanya. Nothing goes right. My school sucks. Semua nilai gw lagi "free fall" menuju entah kemana. GALAU tingkat dewa about uni and stuff, dan keluarga gue yang marah-marah melulu. Not to mention, diet gw yang gagal even before it start, BB who decided to switch to self-destruct mode, and A WEEK FILLED WITH EXAMS AWAITS ME. Rasanya tuh kalau nga marah-marah kurang komplit aja.

So I was left alone today, which sucks, because I've got nothing to do. Well, banyak sih sebenernya yang harus gue kerjain cuman I just don't have the heart to do it...yet. Jadi dari tadi pagi, gue bangun  tidur, dimarah-marahin, pergi makan, pulang,dimarah-marahin lagi, latian piano, nonton "UP" bareng (ade gue yang super cute tapi nyebelinnya juga nga tanggung-tanggung),again dimarahin lagi, shower, etc, and nothing.

Just a normal saturday doing nothing. I don't know about you, tapi this sucks so bad. I hate not doing anyhting, tapi gw juga males dan nga tau mau ngapain. So I spent about 3 hours (?) just listening to John Mayer new album (Highly recommended btw) and watch the last episode of Vampire Diaries 3. Trus....nothing. Uda mati gaya sampe bener-bener nga ngapa-ngapain. Then an idea pops into my head: baca blog manusia-manusia yang uda lama gue nga baca.

Gue mulai baca blog ervan (http://dehakid.blogspot.com/), blog dinda (http://adndadnd.blogspot.com/), dan kak atha's blog (http://nerdusmaximus.blogspot.com/). I LOVE reading their blog, cause it's all so random. Plus, it's better than doing nothing at all, right?

Setelah baca blognya mereka, I feel happy. Mungkin emang agak aneh tapi I feel better. Rasa bete uda mulai menghilang and I feel like blogging. (okay that last part was kinda weird). Tapi it made me realize that life is actually good even with those unwanted sparks.

Life is about messing up a perfectly good condition and fixing it. Life is about (partly) being depressed and get right back on our feet. Life is about being happy, feeling everything. Life is about music, travel, and love and a whole lot of other stuff.

Reading their blogs reminds me that all of us have problems of our own and seeing that they conquer their problem, gives me hope that I'll do too. Meskipun hari ini didn't start good dan belom juga selesai, I'm glad that today happen. Who knows what will happen next?

Kemaren ada sesuatu hal yang aneh tapi fun happened. One of my friend, dia "ngeramal" kemungkinan my other friend dapetin cewe yang dia suka. In his prediction, he says: "Kemungkinan lo dapet si cewe itu cuman sekali dan nga lama." dan tiba-tiba gue ngomong: "Well, if that's the case, then you might as well enjoy the ride." which is surprisingly not a bad advice. I've had my time being pissed.Capek marah-marah, capek bete, dan capek juga ngambek dirumah. My life might be a mess right now, so what? Happiness depends on me. Gue yang bisa buat gue bahagia. Not my friends, not my family, but me. So I'm going to take my own advice and enjoy the ride. Let's see what tomorrow brings :)

Finally chilling out,
A