Bye-bye Stu

At some point in our life, we have to strengthen up and say goodbye because nothing last forever.

But friendship is the breathing rose, with sweets in every fold.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Goodbye sucks especially when you have to say it to someone close to you. It sucks because you have to admit that things will never be the same. People are being torn apart by distance and communication is thereby minimized. You won't be able to talk face to face (physically), you won't be able to walk around in a mall together with them and just talk about random stuff. You won't be able to do strange habits.

There's so much to hate about goodbye but on the bright side, goodbye makes you realize how important someone is in your life. You are a good friend Stu and I wish you nothing but the best there in Canada!

I might not have said what I need to say on that piece of card, cause trust me, I don't even know what I wrote there. Or I might  not have finished what I'm suppose to say. So this blog is dedicated especially for you STUART JOSHUA WIJAYA!

Stewieeeeee

Best Friends Forever.

Here's something you might need to know about Stu:

1. He's smart!
 Ever since he got his glasses he became this total genius that his scores rockets to the sky! and when it comes to grammar, he is kinda a grammar nazi :p

2. He's slow
if the hare beats the tortoise, the tortoise might just beat Stu. Yes, he is really slow in action and especially in making decision. I think it might have become his habit of making people wait for him. A great and undeniable example is exam time. Stu will (almost) ALWAYS BE THE LAST to come together with Leon, which long story short takes just as much time as Stu in exam.

3. He got stress out easily

He's white, he's black, and he's Asian!

Not only that he is slow, but he gets frustrated easily. For example, he stresses because he didn't study the night before the test, he stresses during the test because he did not get the answer for a test, and then when the test is returned he stresses because he is not happy about the score that he gets. But it's pure joy seeing him stress.

4. Deep down, he's a nigga!!!
 He is cool like a panda. He's white, he's black, and he's Asian.

5. And a whole lot other things.
The list could go on and on from random to racist to sporty to annoying, but in the end, he is Stewie.

Honestly, I couldn't ask for a better friend myself.

 "Goodbyes are not forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean I'll miss you. Until we meet again!"

Anonymous

So until we meet again Stu :)

Stu and I (:

Your friend,

Audrey :]

A Little Truth About Me

I tried to sound very happy and fine about things. Trust me, I'm a really good actress. I'm so good that sometimes I even fooled myself in thinking that I am happy. Truth is, I'm not. I'm not happy. I'm not even sure of who I am. I looked back and I don't even recognize that person in the mirror. 

Something that I've been asking myself a lot.

I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment, but my headache is getting the best of me. This blog might sound a bit depressing and lonely, but it's something that I wanted to do in a long time. I guess I've been postponing this post because someone might read it and ask me about it. So I kept in inside of me, and thanks to this headache, I can't hold it anymore. I'm tired of keeping this in my head. I hope that may be by writing this, I won't be as lonely as I am. Hoping that a part of this loneliness might escape me. 
 
I'm lonely. To quote Sid from Ice Age 3 ,"Alone, lonely loner." A part of me just feels empty. Even in a big group with many people around me, I can't help to feel lonely. I may laugh or smile or even joke around, but I'm not really there. 

Do you know what I miss the most? Friends.
Not that I do not have any friends, I've got lots of them, but there's something missing. I feel like I'm an outsider just hanging on a piece of thread called friendship. As cliche as this might sound, I don't feel like I belong in anywhere. *go the distance soundtrack is playing
But it's true. I am not a part of it. Like there is a distance between us. 

Today I found this quote: 

May be this is where I got it all wrong.

"The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end. #TLS"

 May be I want to have friends so badly that at the end, it turns out to be like this. It's sad and I wonder what happened? and I think I know the answer. I lost my confidence. I'm not really sure how to explain this but yea..

See the picture there? That's where I got it all wrong. All this time, always have and always been thinking that friends makes me happy. I believed it so much that I depend to much on my friends for my happiness. That's where I got it all wrong. Not saying that you don't need friend. I'm just saying that for me, it's time to make my own happiness, not other people. I'm really sorry if this blog is kinda depressing but I just wanna let it out right now. Feel free to ask.

A

Run

Expecation

There is nothing that I would love to do more than to run, right now. I'm serious.In don't mean running away from home or that sort of stuff. I mean, really run like what my school forces all of its student to do every half-semester. I do not know what sort of other world spirit that has gotten into me, but lately, I want to do nothing but to run.

Reality

Not to burn calories, or sports (that comes later) and yes, I might suck at running but that's not the point. What I like about running is that feeling when the wind rustling through your hair and the exhaustion. WOW. That's just all that I need. To be away for a moment and run. Just to push myself away from reality. It has become my stress relief. It exhaust every part of me. My legs, my lungs, and my mind; and that's good for me or else, I'll be putting myself under a greater pressure of thinking too much. That's not good you know. Especially for me. 

Lucky for me, Holiday is here. yaaayyy. #sarcasm

Holiday is kinda my worst enemy right now since in holiday, I don't really do much and the time that I have is spent on day dreaming and thinking and regrets and so forth. Even when I'm trying to busy myself with things, there will always be time when I started to think of some stuff and ended up being a sour puss for the day.

I curse. I say all those bad words from daaymmnnn to shtssss and everything else in between. I'm just upset with this life. Nothing seems to work and sadly, I don't care about it anymore. The littlest thing enrage me. I'm mad at myself for days. Some of you might called it PMS. Trust me, it's not PMS.Why? Because I know very well that this is something greater than PMS. Let me put it this way, if I am a computer, this is the part where the screen turns red and shout "SYSTEM OVER LOAD!!" Frankly, it's just too much for me to bear. I'm tired. I really am. 

this is how my life seems right now. Yes, crumbled, messy, or whatever you wanna call it.

Sometimes, I'm even tired of living, but you can relax. This is not my suicidal note. I'm not gonna kill myself, because there's just a part of me that still wants to fight in this war. Right now, I could only hope that things will get better. You know what they say, It's always darkest just before the dawn.

thanks for reading (: