You know why I love Alice?

Despite the fact that she is totally out of her mind, and the book doesn't necessarily made any sense to me, I just love the fact that she is crazy. It's kinda creepy, I have to admit, but I don't seem to bother that. In fact, I like how Alice is not giving a fuck to anything. She's like, "Fck you people. I have a fabulous imagination and you don't."

...or at least that's what I thought Alice would say in this modern world.

Truth is I'm tired living in people's expectation. Tired of being someone that people want me to be. (I know, deep right?) Guess I finally realize that it didn't do me any good. Sure, it has a positive side, but right now, I just don't care. It's dangerous, but who cares, right??

I wanna live my life, just as I want it to be. Do some stupid stuff, study, travel, and probably do some other stupid stuffs, but I just want to live.

and here comes the irony.

As much as I want to be free (or to an extreme end: wild), I also want to be neat and proper. Well, not that I care, but I have to. I'm going to take International Relationship, for goodness' sake. I will be representing some important people and stuff like that. Doing business all over the world and doing some good in this world. But I can't do that being ....messy. I have to at least have the proper presentation, proper image. I'm not saying that I will be all neat and stuff, which I am pretty sure would not even last for a long time, even if it happened. I'm just simply saying that I need to get my act right. It's time to pick up all the pieces of me that has been shattered for the last few years and fix them. Starting new again if I have to. If I want to make this right, I have to fix me first.

So here's to change,

cheers,
-A

A Short Entry

This time, it won't be long I promise you. Why because there's only one point I want to stress right here.
Here goes:

Dear boys and girls, if you don't have anything nice to say, then it's way better for you to shut the hell up. Chances are you might hurt other people with those stupid words of yours that you do not clearly process with your supposedly functioned brain. So do the world a little favor and help yourself from being a public enemy. Just be quiet, okay? or else you might be faced with one of my best friend. Her name's Karma. And frankly, she's a bitch. She looks forward in dealing with people who do not use their brain and act like idiots.

I'm writing this to represent people in the world, who might have been cursing about this their whole life about that special someone who just won't shut the fuck up but has never got the courage to say it out loud. Let's do a little compromise, shall we?

You shut up.
and we will not have a trouble.

xoxo
-A

Defessus In Excelcis

Defessus In Excelsis:
-Definition: tired to the highest
-Fucntion: expressing one's weariness in a Latin form
-Why: Cause I'm so damn tired

Another week has pass and gone, now it's time to catch up with all the time that is lost. In that sense, I mean sleep. As always, my school and insomnia have drag me away from my ritual of sleeping. I still remembered the times when I can sleep quickly and peacefully when the world was all and well. But thanks to school and it's craziness, I am now officially sleep deprived.

What happened last few weeks?

Just a bunch of inhumane torture the school claimed as "homework", "projects", and my favorite on "tests". These stuff, I don't even now what to do about them. That's the worst part. Too much for me to handle. To top it off, the week long suffering are not even done. It never will be. Until the school is finally over.

UPCOMING EVENTS:
1. TERRARIUM
2. MOOT COURT
3. PRESENTATIONS
4. CHEM EXAM
5. INSOMNIA
6. DEATH

Okay, the last point might be a little too dramatic but these school stuff are nearly killing me. Not to mention my family who (thanks for not being so helpful) keeps on pushing me to make decision I'm not ready to make.

Here's an interesting fact: I'M SO DAMN TIRED.

TIRED TO THE HIGHEST.
TIRED TO A POINT THAT I WOULD ACTUALLY PREFER TO DIE.




YES, I AM THAT TIRED.

I might or might not mentioned it in my last post, but my grades are falling off the cliff. Worst part, I don't even know how this happens. Well, I actually do, but it still does not make any sense to me. Things are moving so fast right now, and I'm afraid, I just can't catch up with the dance.

The tables are turning,
I'm confused like hell.
My family won't stop bugging me.
So yeah, I'm completely fine.


Ready to faint,
-A

Happy....Right?

Good news, I got the scholarship!
It's a 50% off somestuff but I still need to pay a lot.
I'm happy.
I should be, right?

Many people will be happy to be in my position; to be admitted to one of the most prestigious university with a good community PLUS a scholarship. I should be happy.


But I'm not.
Heck, I just told my mom about this, I sounded like hell, she doesn't give much response.
What should I do?

I'm glad, but I'm sad too. Paying those fees means that I'm giving myself to be arrested. I've bind myself. Somehow, it feels like I'm signing a death sentence. The worst thing, I don't think I'm ready.

I'm not sure I'm ready to give up those fantasies of going away. I'm not ready to give up.
So should I?

Sincerely confused,
-A