A Little Truth About Me

I tried to sound very happy and fine about things. Trust me, I'm a really good actress. I'm so good that sometimes I even fooled myself in thinking that I am happy. Truth is, I'm not. I'm not happy. I'm not even sure of who I am. I looked back and I don't even recognize that person in the mirror. 

Something that I've been asking myself a lot.

I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment, but my headache is getting the best of me. This blog might sound a bit depressing and lonely, but it's something that I wanted to do in a long time. I guess I've been postponing this post because someone might read it and ask me about it. So I kept in inside of me, and thanks to this headache, I can't hold it anymore. I'm tired of keeping this in my head. I hope that may be by writing this, I won't be as lonely as I am. Hoping that a part of this loneliness might escape me. 
 
I'm lonely. To quote Sid from Ice Age 3 ,"Alone, lonely loner." A part of me just feels empty. Even in a big group with many people around me, I can't help to feel lonely. I may laugh or smile or even joke around, but I'm not really there. 

Do you know what I miss the most? Friends.
Not that I do not have any friends, I've got lots of them, but there's something missing. I feel like I'm an outsider just hanging on a piece of thread called friendship. As cliche as this might sound, I don't feel like I belong in anywhere. *go the distance soundtrack is playing
But it's true. I am not a part of it. Like there is a distance between us. 

Today I found this quote: 

May be this is where I got it all wrong.

"The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end. #TLS"

 May be I want to have friends so badly that at the end, it turns out to be like this. It's sad and I wonder what happened? and I think I know the answer. I lost my confidence. I'm not really sure how to explain this but yea..

See the picture there? That's where I got it all wrong. All this time, always have and always been thinking that friends makes me happy. I believed it so much that I depend to much on my friends for my happiness. That's where I got it all wrong. Not saying that you don't need friend. I'm just saying that for me, it's time to make my own happiness, not other people. I'm really sorry if this blog is kinda depressing but I just wanna let it out right now. Feel free to ask.

A

Still on friends, I found this poem that I made years ago and reading back to what I wrote made me realize what an amazing life it is that I have. It is hard to believe how to complete strangers that happens to be in the same place, at the same time can become what the world calls them friends. I guess that's why they told us to be nice every time, right? Because you just might not know that the strangers sitting next to you might be your best friends later on.  Might be a little bit cliche here and there but it really made me realize how valuable are my once-a-stranger friends. Hope you guys enjoy them :)

That's What Friends For

Sometime we are alone.
wandering what will comes next,
but before we knew it,
the time just had past.


there's a story about a girl,
who had never had a friend.
then she start to talk to a star,
and began to cry because a lonely life.


from somewhere a nobody comes to her,




asking why she's so sad




they began to talk and chat,






without realize that time had past.










time had past,




moment by moment




they goes together,




flowing just like the feather.






when it came for saying good bye,


the girl cry again,


wondering why they have to go,


and be gone forever.


A friend doesn't need to be seen,
because they already in our heart.
if you cant saw them,
then just look at them in your heart.




because a friend is like a star,
sometimes you can see them,
and sometimes you can't.




But when you are sad,
that star will shine only for you.




and if you asked why,
they'll only said










"that's what a friend for" 

Thanks for reading,

Your friend,

ALJ